When we think about money, let’s be honest – we’re not talking about just money, but also a host of related consequences and deeply felt emotions, says retirement specialist
Lee Stoerzinger. “Money cuts to the emotional roots of every human issue,” says Stoerzinger, a
CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, head of Lee Stoerzinger, Inc.,
(www.leestoerzinger.com) and author of “On The Back Burner.” Stoerzinger offers ways adult children may speak to their retired or retiring family members about money.
Start by appreciating storytelling. We communicate with one another through storytelling, and if you want to learn more about yourself, then listen to your family stories. Don’t be afraid to get your parents talking – about how they met, their first or worst job, what the economy was like when they were younger, etc. For many, talk about money is tough because families often are not communicative in general. Get to know your folks better. While you have gotten older and developed your own sense of self, you may be shocked to learn how much you have in common. Appreciate the stories and try to make for a comfortable environment, such as dinner.
Be true to your feelings. Let your parents know how you really feel (the good and the not so good). Your feelings will outlive your parents. Let them out now, while there is time to resolve them. Clear things up and be honest. It’s good to do some spiritual housekeeping.
Let forgiveness in. Resentment gets us nowhere. Forgiveness is humbling in any relationship, and it helps to say, “I love you so much and I am willing to set aside my pride in order to remain in your company.” Let’s move on to more important things. Forgiveness keeps us together, even when opinions clash. In the case of profound hurts, forgiveness can be a way to heal and move on. The pain may never be resolved, but at least we can gather our dignity.
About Lee Stoerzinger
Since 1993, Lee Stoerzinger, CFP®, has dedicated his professional life to the study of finance, and to helping people become financially independent.
